It’s easy to put people into different categories.

• Marshmallows: Gooey! Sweet! They never disagree.
• Toblerone: Perfect! Witty. Brilliant.
• Caramel Custard: Unassuming. Our anchors in life.
• Bitter chocolates: The schizophrenics. The unpredictable ones!
• After Eight: Layered! Sweet upfront. Cold inside!
• Burnt Cake: Hateful people. They have nothing nice to say about anything.

How is it that you can predict with a 99% accuracy what the other person is going to say to you? It all depends on what category the person falls into.

For example, you have an accident and are bleeding.

Marshmallows: “Oh my! Did you hurt yourself? Oh, you poor thing!” Gush! Gush! Gush! Tears in their eyes, impractical and totally useless.

Toblerone: “I hope the other guy looked worse!” or “I dread to think what the road looks like.” Then they drive you to a doctor and hold your hand when you cry at the sight of blood.

Caramel Custard: No questions asked. Some sounds of sympathy as they clean and dress your wounds, their medicine closet stocked with ointments, Dettol, cotton-wool, bandage, painkillers, etc. Once you’re comfortable, “What happened?”

Bitter chocolates: (In a good mood) “Gosh, you’re bleeding. Let me take you to a doctor.”
(In a bad mood) ““You’re bleeding all over the floor. Why don’t you go to a doctor?”

After Eight: “God! How did you hurt yourself? Come we’ll go to the doctor.” Then they take your car (their car never has petrol) and ask you for the parking fee (they don’t have change). And they never hold your hand when you get an injection.

Burnt Cake: “I told you this would happen.” (Nothing is worse than an ‘I told you so’ when you’re hurt.) “You drive so rashly! It’s people like you who are responsible for accidents…… blah blah blah.” And you bleed to death right in front of them.