Today we play a game. This game is for all you morons out there who have nothing better to do.
The name of the game is ‘Spot the oxyMORON’. Like I said, it is for the morons.
The rules are simple, you have to spot all the oxymorons in the passage below and tell me the number. That’s all. The total number of oxymorons in the passage below. Simple. Let’s get started, shall we?

It is safer to act naturally when you find missing resident aliens, however scary they might be. Some of them can be pretty ugly, almost exactly as round as twelve-pound ounce cakes wearing tight slacks. Remember, there should be no reaction even if they are a genuine imitation of the living dead. No ‘Good grief’. Just a silent scream in your head. Hum a song. Perhaps some soft rock. Most importantly, no violence at all, not even passive aggression. Certainly don’t call them names such as ‘butt head’. In fact it might be a good idea to act terribly pleased. To be on the safe side, try not being alone together with the alien. Even a small crowd will do. Look around to see if there’s somebody who can help you. Though steer clear of all Government organizations. They are all involved. Even the Peace Force. Remember we humans have to survive. We will not become extinct life. We will live into the night and the days after. The key is to be prepared. Always carry child proof Synthetic natural Gas masks and plastic glasses. You could also carry a hidden recorder to tape live the whole incident. It can be used as evidence later on. Don’t take this as a joke. Aliens have become a definite maybe. Now, then you’re all set. May the force be with you.