I lost my ATM card yesterday. Well, to be more honest, I kind of forgot to take it out of the damned ATM machine. You can imagine the fright I got some three hours later when I realised what I had done. I went back to the ATM machine to check whether some honest soul had given it over to the security guard. But obviously, the guard had changed in the past three hours and the new guard had no clue.
I called up the HDFC help line.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Hullo. I am Rajesh. How may I help you?
Me (Totally psyched out.): Hi. This is so and so. I just lost my ATM card.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Yes Ma’am. How did that happen and in what branch.
Me (Slightly embarrassed): Uh! Actually I lost in the machine.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): In the machine?
Me: Yes. I kind of forgot to take it.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Forgot to take it?
Me: Yes. I kind of forgot to exit.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Forgot to exit?
Me (Defensive and irritated with his parroting): Yes. Forgot. So anyone could have taken all the money from my account . (Suddenly I realised the gravity of it. My salary has just been credited to the account) Oh please please help me out.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Of course Ma’am. Do you have your credit card number?
Me (sadly): Uh. No.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Bank Account number?
Me (almost in tears): No.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Customer identification number?
Me (wailing now): Noooooooooo
Rajesh (Obviously used to hysterical women): Do you have a transaction slip?
Me (brightening up): Yes.
I gave him my bank account number.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Miss so and so
Me (Duh! That’s the first thing I had told him. My name.): Yes. Yes.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Ma’am I have cancelled your card.
Me: Thank you. Please please tell me if there is any money in my account.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): I am sorry Ma’am we are not in a position to give out that information.
Me: What do you mean you are not in a position to give out that information? It’s my account. I need to know.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): I am sorry Ma’am.
Me: Cummon. You can’t do this. Tell me something. Anything.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): Ma’am your last transaction was Rs x.
Me: What was the transaction before that?
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): I am sorry Ma’am we are not in a position to give out that information.
Me: What do you mean you are not in a position to give out that information? It’s my account. I need to know.
Rajesh (in a sickeningly pleasant voice): I am sorry Ma’am. If it helps that is the only transaction today.

What a first class ass. Couldn’t he have told me that in the first place!!!