Frankly, my dear, I don't care.

I shall not sleep tonight. Every time I close my eyes I can see HER eyes gleaming. HER laugh is still reverberating in my head. I should not have had evil thoughts about HER. Forgive me God, for I have sinned. Redeem me! Redeem me!

Flashback to morning:

V and I were already late for office and V was driving as fast as she could in the jammed roads that mornings in Mumbai are famous for. When I say she was driving fast I mean she was driving at a reasonable pace, maintaining the requisite safe distance between her car and the car in front, driving in one line, using her indicator when she switches lanes. You get the idea. V is a good driver.

So, V was driving at a reasonable pace, maintaining the requisite safe distance between her car and the car in front, driving in one line, using her indicator when she switches lanes. And then the car in front of us turned into a by-lane and we found ourselves behind HER car.

SHE was busy looking into the rear view mirror when the traffic started moving. No amount of honking made HER move. We waited till SHE finished admiring herself in the mirror. Then SHE started the car with a lethargy that irritated us further. We missed the green light by seconds. Grrrr! Only if SHE had started moving 5 seconds earlier. This was at one of those awful signals where you have to wait and wait. So we waited and waited for the lights to turn green and SHE was back to admiring herself in the rear view mirror.

The lights finally turned green. We moved at a snail’s pace for the next ten minutes, helped neither by the traffic nor by HER. SHE was slow and inept. HER car jerked every time SHE moved it two inches. You know, one of those people who just don’t get the clutch- accelerator coordination right. With every passing moment V and I were getting increasingly frustrated.

Then V pushed her foot on the accelerator and said ‘That’s it!’. She switched lanes and soon we were moving at a speed admirable in a traffic jam. I could actually feel the wind in my face. When we managed to evade getting caught at the next signal, V and I whooped in joy. I was tempted to put my head out of my window and make faces at HER as we whizzed away. I was unable to stretch myself around the car to face the other side where SHE was (still admiring herself in the rear view mirror), so I did it in my mind.

AND THEN, we got caught by the traffic police. V had jumped the signal or so they claimed. For the next ten minutes, I waited in the car while V argued with the cops. As I drummed my fingers on the dashboard knowing that now we would surely be late for office, SHE passed. HER car jerking and twitching as SHE crossed V’s car. SHE turned to look back and HER eyes met mine. Suddenly all went dark and quiet. HER eyes gleamed scarily as she laughed like the devil’s own…..

Redeem me God! Redeem me!

A line in a public service print ad that caught my eye:

The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is 'no love'.

Two girls, a late night hour (Why is it always 11 PM in the night when you feel like partying!) and a pub and you always always get the same result. The following has been concluded after firsthand research done by the author.

• You ALWAYS bump into another all-girls group you know.
• The other all-girls group and you ALWAYS end up sticking together for the rest of the evening.
• In an already crowded space, a boisterous group ALWAYS stands next to you and keeps stepping on your toes and bumping into you.
• There are NEVER any good-looking guys you can letch at.
• The three or four good looking guys that you manage to locate are ALWAYS accompanied by their possessive girl-friends.
• All the other guys around, i.e. the single guys, in the pub ALWAYS turn to look at your group at least once. Usually, first glances turn into second glances and they eventually mature into a full evening of staring which is always very irritating.
• The boisterous group next to you ALWAYS gets more boisterous towards the end of the evening.
• The creepy guy in the boisterous group ALWAYS buys all of you a round of drinks.
• Just when you decide to leave (before you turn deaf), you spot a good looking guy. You check whom is he standing next to. Ah! Another guy. Finally! A good looking guy without a girlfriend. He looks at you and you look at him. You both exchange smiles and glances through lowered eye lashes. Then the guy standing next to him notices him looking at you and turns around to see you. The guy ALWAYS turns out to be his girl friend.

Call.

A very hectic day at work and the new addition in my house (No not a baby. Naah! Not a dog either. Though that would have been nice...), my friend and roommate who has just shifted to Bombay, and I were exchanging mails. A glimpse into our exciting exchange... (A tip: Start at the bottom and scroll up.)

From: obscured@office
To: friend@newoffice
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 17:29
Subject: Re: xxx

start
up and down
up and down
up
up
up
down
down
down
twist and turn
up and down
stop


----- Original Message -----
From: friend@newoffice
To: obscured@office
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 5:16 PM
Subject: Re: xxx

hmmmm..a roller-coaster ride


----- Original Message -----
From: obscured@office
To: friend@newoffice
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 16:55
Subject: Re: xxx

Hmm. Life can get pretty HARD.


----- Original Message -----
From: friend@newoffice
To: obscured@office
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 3:59 PM
Subject: Re: xxx

ITS HANGING


----- Original Message -----
From: obscured@office
To: friend@newoffice
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 15:01
Subject: Re: xxx

whats wrong with hotmale... oops hotmail


----- Original Message -----
From: friend@newoffice
To: obscured@office
Sent: Tuesday, November 16, 2004 2:26 PM
Subject: xxx

Test Male..oops..Mail

I plead innocence. It's the work pressure, not me.

Today is traditional day at office. All dressed up in sari, I went out for lunch with some 20 other colleagues. Many compliments later, some beer mugs down and my stomach hurting from laughing so much, I am sad.

How can a high pull me down?

When between my dreams I would wake
And through my half-opened eyes drugged with sleep
I would see you sleeping next to me
A smile would flit on my face
I would snuggle closer to you
Into the comfort of your embracing arms
And watch you till I drifted back to sleep

MADMONIALS

Required a partner for life. Should love music (lovers of alternative rock will be preferred), reading (tolerance towards M&Bs is a must) and travelling (should have enough money to pay for own and my travel expenses). Should be a good cook or should be rich enough to employ a good cook. Age no bar. Caste no bar. Sex no bar. Interested parties write to iambored@labyrinths.blogspot.com

Some recent baselines that have caught my attention:

Brand: Kangaroo (Kids’ Apparels)
Baseline: God gifts babies. We gift-wrap them.
(Awwwwwwwww!!!)

Brand: Marrying the Boss (Mills n Boons)
Baseline: From Boardroom to Bride and Groom
(I am all for M&Bs. But this was corny even for my liking.)

Brand: Travel & Living (TV Channel)
Baseline: Get a life!
(Thanks! I needed a TV channel to tell me that!)

Brand: indiatimes.com (website)
Baseline: Whatever!
(Whatever!!!)

We have all grown up with super-heroes and have all had our own personal favourites. When asked, each one of us of quotes the expected Superman, Spiderman, Batman, etc. None, not even me, ever quote their mothers.

‘Why not?’ I ask you. Our mothers are the living proofs of the existence of super-heroes. ‘Our mothers?’ I hear you ask me, your voices laced with doubt. ‘Yes, our mothers’ I say to you. Think back. Rack your cobwebbed memories.

Remember when you were bad? Your mother always ALWAYS came to know. ‘Never hide anything from me. I will come to know anyhow’ she had said. You had not believed her initially. And you had learnt it the hard way. She always did come to know.

Remember her x-ray vision? She could see through everything. What you had in your fists, what you had in your mouth, what you had hidden behind yourself. She could always see!

Remember her superhuman strength? She could pick you up by the collar and shake you with no effort at all. One swoop of her hand and you were hanging two feet above the ground.

Remember her incredible hearing powers? She could hear you sneak around the other end of the house. She could hear the rustle of toffee wrapper she had asked you not to eat after brushing your teeth, even two rooms away.

Remember her extraordinary aim? One of my friends was recounting one incident when she, as a kid, was trying to run away from her mother. She had done something really naughty and was trying to escape the inevitable spanking that she knew she would get. Her mother didn’t even try to run after her. She just picked up whatever was handy and threw them at my friend. All of them perfectly aimed and all of them perfect hits.

Remember the faith you had in her? You knew that no matter what happened she would come and protect you. She might not have flown like Superman or crawled down buildings like Spiderman but she always came to your rescue.

Yes, whether you agree or not, our mothers were superheroes. They too fought evil for the cause of good. They over-powered the villains in us and brought out the better.

To our mothers, the world’s bestest super-heroes!